August, 2020 (Five Months Quarantined)

sorry about all this junk everywhere
we won’t leave the house it’s a hundred
degrees heat the same rooms the same
clouds the same dust nothing to escape
so much shit you yell all of it is oil slick
off our bones if I could sell my veins I
wouldn’t but someone would you would
purchase them and ornament my body
sell my cheap taxidermy that’s just how
it is there ain’t enough drugs in the world
to convince me otherwise there are
I’ll trade you thirty dollars for an exciting
week enough for an air bag each small
car ride home do you have weed? what
should we do?  these nightmares every day
give you nightmares every night they hit
you in the chest and your mind just screams
no more what is the problem do you care?
let’s play fucking music we need blood
so we can sweeten so we can sleep finally
classic rock we got the sixties beat
let’s drink until it’s cold until heaven
is an illusion we did it now look

(originally published in BarBar, Summer 2023)

Leaving Work

I.

After these exhausting days
who knows why I yell to no one
the things I yell on the way
to my car after work: gravel
grass and hill road buzzing
in the deepening sunset.

II.

The only relief I ever feel
is sunlight on my face
when leaving work–
the temporary confusion
of unsheathing one
unwanted part of me.
The breeze
greets me
like a once-friend,
my name
on the tip
of her tongue.

III.

Each minute– each second– beyond
when I am supposed to leave
wilts me. I look longingly out
the window mud-
stained in sunlight
I did well in the past
to ignore.

IV.

I get upset
having to spend
the remainder of
my meager self
racing
the end of day
light. I fight
my way through
traffic lights,
red in surrounding
eyes– to arrive
at my familiar
steps, already at
the foot of dawn.

V.

Morning
has that air
I like– half-
asleep possibility,
a natural neutrality,
a newness only possible
half-dreaming
beside the waving
branches.

VI.

Tonight, I spend my time
on an ice cream cone
with you. Under the full moon.
It makes my teeth hurt
but worth the work
a random hour a week
or two ago, when I was
sitting at my desk, wanting
nothing more than to come home
and see you.

(originally published in Statement Magazine, 2023)

Two Best Friends

I skip pebbles in milk
while Colorado calls

my name an open field
prayer hands clasped

with two best friends
I have not seen

in years pass clouds
over the Rockies and I

am drunk staring at
my past blue yearning

the rain-drenched range
I write and ring cells

still new cities call
my name with headphones

on I play The Last of Us
in dark glow hands reach

for two best friends I sit
in silence happily

(originally published in Pennsylvania Bards Western PA Poetry Review, Spring 2023)

Day 14 of 21 (Block A)

I saw you meditating
in the UPM’s office    shades pulled
lotus on speckled carpet

you caught me wondering
if you were tranquil     I felt terrible
though the door was open    I was

an arrow piercing peace
that single moment    I don’t know
if you ever think about it

your spotting my gaze   lasted one
second at most    my mind runs
reruns    just tell me you’ve forgotten

in the chaos of casting   hundreds
of extras    for a scene canceled
by sudden rain

(originally published in The Broadkill Review, Summer 2021)

Cookie Cake

I cut cookie cake with plastic butterknife
a birthday my age is showing not my celebration
in the office a long way to the center I repeatedly

say I slice some New York pizza I shape
a biscotti I am the awkward focal point
struggling through the cake rock my boss

offers me a Swiss army knife I refuse
she swears it’s clean the PEOPLE want
a show they want to see struggle I

bellow hands shaking through thick paper
plate after plate she says I’m impressed
you didn’t break and my piece is

so sweet I can barely eat I
do it anyway the work
I put in deserves dessert

(originally published in Squawk Back, Fall 2022)

#1

When I say you are my number
one I mean in the line of infinity:

crystals in sand, the observable
universe, atoms in the pretzel of

our hands– we were in the back-
seat. You were in the middle

of a knot, trying to emerge
beyond the physics that

has no name to call us.

(originally published in Beltway Poetry Quarterly, Spring 2023)

Your Offer

on back porch with pounding
rain puddles amass you ask

advice an offer a hornet
nest in the gutter we invite

friends over my memory
short my throat closed to

organ tunes in harmony
answers inside aluminum

you hand me your phone
say look another malady

the dirt clogged drain
for pests to fester in

(originally published in Taj Mahal Review, Winter 2022)