August, 2020 (Five Months Quarantined)

sorry about all this junk everywhere
we won’t leave the house it’s a hundred
degrees heat the same rooms the same
clouds the same dust nothing to escape
so much shit you yell all of it is oil slick
off our bones if I could sell my veins I
wouldn’t but someone would you would
purchase them and ornament my body
sell my cheap taxidermy that’s just how
it is there ain’t enough drugs in the world
to convince me otherwise there are
I’ll trade you thirty dollars for an exciting
week enough for an air bag each small
car ride home do you have weed? what
should we do?  these nightmares every day
give you nightmares every night they hit
you in the chest and your mind just screams
no more what is the problem do you care?
let’s play fucking music we need blood
so we can sweeten so we can sleep finally
classic rock we got the sixties beat
let’s drink until it’s cold until heaven
is an illusion we did it now look

(originally published in BarBar, Summer 2023)

Leaving Work

I.

After these exhausting days
who knows why I yell to no one
the things I yell on the way
to my car after work: gravel
grass and hill road buzzing
in the deepening sunset.

II.

The only relief I ever feel
is sunlight on my face
when leaving work–
the temporary confusion
of unsheathing one
unwanted part of me.
The breeze
greets me
like a once-friend,
my name
on the tip
of her tongue.

III.

Each minute– each second– beyond
when I am supposed to leave
wilts me. I look longingly out
the window mud-
stained in sunlight
I did well in the past
to ignore.

IV.

I get upset
having to spend
the remainder of
my meager self
racing
the end of day
light. I fight
my way through
traffic lights,
red in surrounding
eyes– to arrive
at my familiar
steps, already at
the foot of dawn.

V.

Morning
has that air
I like– half-
asleep possibility,
a natural neutrality,
a newness only possible
half-dreaming
beside the waving
branches.

VI.

Tonight, I spend my time
on an ice cream cone
with you. Under the full moon.
It makes my teeth hurt
but worth the work
a random hour a week
or two ago, when I was
sitting at my desk, wanting
nothing more than to come home
and see you.

(originally published in Statement Magazine, 2023)

The Parking Garage Beneath Westside Pavilion

I slept beneath the mall for some time
to avoid the burden of capitalism ha!

if I could that would be glorious to
avoid the landlord hey look I am in

the parking garage what garbage
all these ads for movies I do and

do not want to see but I would
not know I did not want to see it

until seeing that is the predicament
I do not have the cash nor the time

to spend paying for rent give me
gunmetal cement walls six floors

beneath the surface where I drive
to where not even bugs venture

there I am unbound
I fly in my dreams

(originally published in Train: a poetry journal, Fall 2022)

Bananagrams

Hard to say goodbye a bunch
of jumbled words

this freeform
scrabble of knowing our

ups and downs two
poets at the game café

hovering over August
and detonate

this limited time we have
cloaked ourselves

we slap plastic
tiles and yell peel

racing not to say goodbye
I’ve got a few days left

in the parking lot after
we clutch each other

unsure whether to cry
in the authentic light of sunset

(originally published in Freshwater Literary Journal, Spring 2022)

Boneless / Bells

What is special to me may not be to you.
Wings the heat you burn overtakes you every
bend of tongue the mouth and heart I am muscle.
The sun in excess beats heavy on fingers
playing games on calculators in memory. The bell rings
from one era to the next and the textbook of learning
splits in half. In high school you wake up
an hour before being woken up. This is a
relationship mathematically unreasonable.
Split your brain first then your body then time.
Ahead is an entire cardboard runway to burn.

(originally published in Scarlet Leaf Review, Spring 2021)

Two Best Friends

I skip pebbles in milk
while Colorado calls

my name an open field
prayer hands clasped

with two best friends
I have not seen

in years pass clouds
over the Rockies and I

am drunk staring at
my past blue yearning

the rain-drenched range
I write and ring cells

still new cities call
my name with headphones

on I play The Last of Us
in dark glow hands reach

for two best friends I sit
in silence happily

(originally published in Pennsylvania Bards Western PA Poetry Review, Spring 2023)

Stairs into the Basement

light wanes on blue picnic days
the ants we call our own (a mound sacrifice
                                          I sacrificed…)

I know I could never be a father
            there is too much darkness in me
            you ask me to explain

                butterflies pound against
                the insides of my cheek
                and grind against my teeth

                                                it would be so easy
                                                to field disturbances
                                                            I don’t want

                                               any part of that
                                               the red clamps
                                               tight inside my guts

(originally published in Avalon Literary Review, Fall 2021)