Columbus.
Victorian Village.
Coming home.
A dog sometimes.
Desire.
Living.
The squeeze.
Without thinking.
The act.
The thinness of good.
How much regret.
At a party I said it.
Stung.
What?
The direction of history.
A rough shore.
To never return.
(originally published in JAKE., Summer 2024)
desire
Tournament of Bachelors
Shuffleboard in Tampa is sliding into the DMs
of a box of saltines and eating each stack whole
if you dominate otherwise you drink leftover
juice from a friend’s friends’ wedding while
waiting for what you wanted forever on
the coast of happiness the cusp of sweet
custard overflowing with berries.
(originally published in The Waiting Room, Summer 2023)
Whims
I am attracted to power
the sun is a battery and I bask
in a ruse of energy or chemistry
in my worn-torn pajamas
and constant wanting
to leave the house
to see some birds
with a warmer destination
in mind or casually
run into an old friend
and we will ask how
the other is doing
for a total of five seconds
before moving further
into our respective drifts
of time forgetting
the tentative pizza plans
we had just talked about
forgetting the ice cold
air around us that rises
up and only gets colder
and I am lifted too
arms first
until I latch onto
the wings of a plane
which knows where
it shall go and
my whole life
has been like that
following the whims
of whatever
carries me
further
(originally published in CultureCult POWERLESS Anthology. Fall 2024)
Thirty (and a Half)
I ate five scoops of Breyers chocolate-peanut butter
ice cream and still want more–
this, after two “meals” of beef-
flavored nothing noodles (Maruchan ramen)
I’m thirty (and a half)
When do I stop running
from “the good future”
I see it through the
crystal balls of rich kids’ Instagrams
Say it with me:
I AM LIVING IN THE PAST.
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I WANT WHAT YOU HAVE.
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dancing girl emoji
But here’s the thing.
Earth spins so much it’s dizzying.
I’m running the opposite direction
to meet my past self but that fucker
doesn’t want to rendezvous.
The future called
and told me to put the phone down, you’re
sweating arsenic
and They were right. I needed
a shower to cleanse myself of everything
before the neighbors made a stink about my stench.
(originally published in SCAB Magazine, Summer 2020)
Silica
i carry infection in saliva
like a point of pride
see, my city reeks of bone
tall skeleton skyscrapers
i’m numb again
as dental drill enters me
year after year
what birthed my decays?
raised to desire new
wants every day
wanting even wanting
my dad worked at a ford factory
after the great depression
churned out a new kid
every few years
seasons of rust
spreading on steel
here’s the sunset
he’d wake us to say &
spend the days molding
the yard
rough hands on saw
that was satisfactory
to him
for me oaks are cold towers &
grass not godmade
took a clump in my mouth
from the graveyard as a child &
i swear i tasted
death
but could not digest it
i’m but a skeleton
all life’s experiences
slip through me
masticating childhood
no pondering
the future with mom and dad
scooping fries at ponderosa &
we’d always go for seconds &
mint ice cream after
(originally published in Burningword Literary Journal, Fall 2018)
What We Talk About When We Talk About
Pepper burned my mouth
and all I could think of
in that salivated flame
was you telling me your tongue
no longer felt the heat
of a moment: meaningless
sex– bite and garment
here between the green
walls of your zen room
your small goldfish
swimming in circles–
submerged flame and hunger
for love so intense
I flicker poems to you
thumbs on lighters
waiting for the matchbook
to catch– combed pomade
hair, designer jeans, and wit–
what I want is origami
and fire– instead
we talk about love
but unlike Raymond Carver
we have nothing
more to say.
(originally published in Words Dance, Summer 2017)
“A Man Bears Beliefs as a Tree Bears Apples”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
pleading with a red delicious begging god for good
even though I cannot process Jesus I still chew and
spit seed and you walk over the guts of me with your
shoes on sidewalk in the sweltering August of laying
in grass whispering love between dandelions so much
we’re sprouting from dirt in ugly ways all thorn
and bloom overgrown with each other there are
no gloved hands around anymore to pull us out
(originally published in Bluestem, Spring 2017)
So Find Meaning
in the blue diner
we laughed
made something meaningful
but how you puckered
your lips
didn’t mean you need
communion
I am
trying to make my way
down High street
without kicking every red hydrant
I walk by
without drowning in wish
without
finding meaning in every stop
sign
every green light
turned red
I’m finding out greasy fries
aren’t made to be shared
they clump
onto the salty plate
every intersection
is just an intersection
avoiding cars
strangers
every passing honk
is for you
I was not made
to philosophize
words
mean nothing
until spoken
(originally published in Nixes Mate Review, Winter 2017)
Warehouse Beach
The warehouse art gallery could never be mistaken for the beach,
even as curators charade sand across the dancefloor,
make us remember desire. Violins strike the throbbing air
with an electronic pulse, a horsehoof beat activating
the summer IPAs we drank beforehand to create
our summer selves. It ends. You end. At home later on
we watch documentaries where owls hunt forests for prey.
I pray we will soar but never hungry above branches.
Mostly I pray for our hearts to not be plucked raw, how stranded
and helpless we can feel in a new town while the world whirls
a thousand miles per hour– we stumble through sliding landscapes–
sand on concrete wails for sun, for sunset wind to whip
through industrial, unfinished interiors. We dance, or run,
until light draws herself from the ocean’s muted stone.
(originally published in Crack the Spine, Winter 2016)
Trust Issue
Neither of us know
signs to look for
when the other
talks to another.
Glances become knives.
We fling blades
onto caution signs
which clang
then lay
dull
until the sharp
of morning.
(originally published in Thirteen Myna Birds, Fall 2016)