It’s Complicated

Sure, I know the DJ at Belvedere’s tonight
but that is all I have. My body is an ocean
liner that imagined a destination when
departing, but lost its way mid-voyage
while passengers scream it’s okay!
It’s okay!
                  On simple days
I open the window and watch
clouds pass with my long-hair
cat, breathing in the breeze like
we’ve both never been outside
before, trying to find some
comfortable place to rest
with the rail jutting up,
a dull blade.

(originally published in Ink Sac, Summer 2023)

To Sara (From Kermit)

This world you teach me is velvet
mice in your palm, on the carpet,
in my teeth, repeat. And the silver
crinkle ball that shines purple in sun
light that I cannot stop batting across
the floor. I sometimes push it into
that unreachable darkness underneath
the couch downstairs. DQ told me there
once was a cat who left and never
returned, and she thinks about him
constantly, expecting him each entrance
of outside light, and I tell her no, there’s only
me and you, and I run around the house,
seeking his faint traces. And she tells me of days–
long, unimaginable days– when no one is around
and you just have to bide your time and wait.
It seems so lonely. I run to her and
she screams and retreats into the Cavern of
Bags. I follow her in too deep. Please
tell me you will always be around.
I need someone here to complete
such important work, this
drive inside that bursts and blooms
its way across the corners
of these rooms I’m learning,
this love I newly navigate far
from small, stuffed cages
I used to think
was the world
until I met the space
within your affection,
a bond of greater
boundlessness.

(originally published in Unlikely Stories Mark V, Winter 2023)

A Deep Exhaustion

I have a deep exhaustion

  when an animal puts his head

      on my lap I fall

               ask anyone and they will say the weekend

      is gone too fast

                   you sleep through your dreams

                                   the train whistles

                          the beating heart

           of your partner next to you

                       asleep through the lost time you share

(originally published in Pirene’s Fountain, Summer 2024)

Look for Me, Someday, in a Sentimental Ad

I dive into a fresh pool of shining glass–
who wants to spend their years with me?

The new-city-me screams its lungs out for
you. Looking to the past, I fall in love

again. I’ll be promiscuous when
unemployed. I can’t face life

pursuing absolute perfection. Maybe
I will soften my hair, finally. My cat

may not be into this. We lay sideways
in a beam of sun on dust-layered carpet,

moving our eyes to the wall’s tricks of light.

(originally published in Count Seeds With Me [Ethel Zine and Micro-Press], Spring 2022)

Where We Are Going

My hand gentle on the vibration of DQ’s back.
We ascribe memories to animals. Anthropomorphism
is our system. Kingsford’s scent lies on fewer and fewer
surfaces– we vacuumed his hairs, changed the covers
this August of grieving, and in bed we say
the living one dreams of her human family. If ever
there was a before in this cat’s life, if ever she could
recant her past to us– what I hate about the cage is
not the sick animal inside it, but that I can’t explain
where we are going, or why, just he needs to trust
me, beyond all his mewling (we pass a fish truck
on Penn Avenue in sunlight) – trust me: where
we are going will end your suffering.

(originally published in Kalopsia Lit, Spring 2022)

Catcall / Catastrophe

So you made a carrot soufflé–
no one cares about the mush

orange and earthy you made
in the oven. That shit is under

control. Look instead at Joshua
trees burning down the desert

runway. That’s a catwalk. A
catcall to the Earth from

your rolled-down pickup
truck window. See

how hot they are? It’s
like those cruel videos

where the cat’s caretaker
places a cucumber

behind the off-guard animal,
and people laugh

as the creature flees in
surprise terror.

These videos were big
for a summer. This

slideshow of tiny
cruelties– it’s harder

to find new spaces
to hide.

(originally published in G*MOB, Spring 2022)