Tamales at Andrea’s

At her Penn Hills home an endless view
of rain green wide windows. With sink hot
faucet water we tear banana leaf a piece
of wallpaper press the masa they prepped
into dried dark a sturdy table.

Drop sauce, fork pork, wrap ribbon
makes pride and we learn to live
again. Almost a year still fresh
the big bowl of dead animal we gather
around. Andrea says steam in leaf

adds floral flavor, a life
to death jiggling within us–
oh, sweet touch of camaraderie,
hugs on a late December
Saturday. You were afraid

we started the day too early, but
we are in our mid-thirties. I wanted
to begin yesterday the festivities
that let us remember why we
remain alive– brown butter cookies

and the love, so much love in the living
room. When we get to the presents–
having already unwrapped our proud
banana leaves, there are Penguin
classics, band t-shirts, soy candles

but what we’d trade for anything–
white elephant– is more time.

(originally published in Triggerfish Critical Review, Summer 2024)

Video Games on New Year’s Day

grape stem the fruit centipede

          parched time

                    a skin between my teeth

fingernails tapping on blue porcelain bowl

          then the controller my hand’s touched everything in this place

thanks for your spider fingers on the soft of my chest

          lips purple with last night’s wine

                   new year burst with pessimism not

optimism beginnings are overrated

          I do best when I don’t know where I’m going

(originally published in A Thin Slice of Anxiety, Winter 2023)

Uneven Architecture

birds creak on hills
hedging me & sewage is
dumped into the Ohio
the Allegheny &
Monongahela
nine billion gallons
a year yet there are
sunsets that burn into
me like vehicular
radiation this exhaust
I know from work
is from wanting is
from being diffident
in the greed I cannot
parse between heart &
blood that triangulates
itself around this city
all this virulent discharge
I claim enclosed is home

(originally published in Sybil Journal, Summer 2020)

September 22, 2020

Today I am a dangling thread in the unnecessary count
of all Allegheny’s clothes. Snug fit in a snake’s mouth,

today of all days I choose to live obliquely, first day
of fall, et cetera. My brain’s all leaves, caves all ears,

moths seeking better light I have not provided. You
ask how my day is going and I get defensive. Never

wielded boxing gloves. Never a ring. I am surviving,
I say, the minimum. My form conjures shadows.

Drop me a rope. I must climb out from this well.

(originally published in Academy of the Heart and Mind, Winter 2021)

I Try to Keep Your Ice Cream Cake Cold

It is eighty-two degrees in Pittsburgh and my trunk
is crammed so your DQ cake sits in the passenger seat,

moves the same speed I do in my car in this orbit
in this galaxy. There is so much matter to keep cool

in the universe, but there’s sunshine through my wind-
shield and you– I know– thaw as a passenger beside

me. I’m doing what I can: aiming all the frigid vents
that way, holding a folder to shade you. I drive fifty-

five in a thirty-five to avoid my mind entertaining a
milky flood mixed with dust, dog hair, cookie crumbs,

and lust pooling where you are, your name in icing
illegible– it’s fine, for now. Don’t freak out. I am

floating over a bridge, the sun forever taunting,
and soon I know you’ll go, in one way or another,

into the mouth of a thankful person– whether me,
trying to save you from this heat, or you, radiant

as the sun, seeing celestial bodies who– for at
least this rotation– you know revolve around you.

 

(originally published in Dodging the Rain, Spring 2020)